


i come with knives to love you

by symmetrass



Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26657875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symmetrass/pseuds/symmetrass
Summary: havent wrote a fic in so long but the boys got me so obsessed with this pairing!!! I just love their dynamic so much so im fighting pandemic depression with writing small fics about them hahathis is based on s2ep6 and it's just butchers feelings throughout this episode.
Relationships: Billy Butcher/Hughie Campbell
Comments: 12
Kudos: 194





	i come with knives to love you

**Author's Note:**

> havent wrote a fic in so long but the boys got me so obsessed with this pairing!!! I just love their dynamic so much so im fighting pandemic depression with writing small fics about them haha
> 
> this is based on s2ep6 and it's just butchers feelings throughout this episode.

It wasn't so long ago the last time Butcher felt this way. After the shock of seeing Becca for the first time in eight years, his body completely froze for a second when he realized Homelander was right there, and he could've killed her before Billy could do anything. It was pure fear. His mind is usually so sedated and focused, he's almost empty inside when he has a gun pointed at him. But the fear of losing someone he loves? It is a feeling he's constantly trying to bury in deep.

He felt that when he realized Hughie was in the van that was tossed by the supe he just shot dead. His vision was blurred for a moment, his heart was beating so hard that Starlight could've heard it. Hughie was hurt. He was losing his canary. 

Butcher couldn't process his feelings when he saw how badly hurt Hughie was. He wasn't going to allow Annie see his weakness but god, he could feel the pain spreading in his chest. The fear was almost overwhelming, but he masked it the best he could, he couldn't let his body fail him now.

Killing a random guy so he could get his car? Easiest thing in the world. It is not that he doesn't care. Not that his ability to kill hasn't scared him before. But the fog in his mind that prevents his feelings to eat him alive it's what makes everything so easy, so logical. Why should he hesitate when Hughie's life is at stake? Why would anyone else's life matters when he could lose his friend at any moment? But Starlight was there, trying to be a reasonable person. 

Maybe Butcher was like her before. It's not that he could remember anyway. Even before Homelander, he could feel that something was wrong with him. He was happy with Becca, but when she wasn't with him he felt cold, empty. He knew even then if something happened to her, he wouldn't hesitate to snap anyone's neck, even if that meant her hating him forever.

When Hughie was burying his face on Butcher's shoulder, all that Billy wanted to do was kiss his forehead and tell him it's alright, he's going to be fine. But there was a supe right in front of him, so the only thing he could do is grip his canary's shoulder tight, and hope for this to be over soon. 

At that point, Annie was still in Billy's hit list. He could see that she loved Hughie (and that he obviously loved her back). He acknowledged that she helped the team so far. But he knew that power corrupts people, no matter who they are. He believed that the world would be less fucked without supes. And he was seeing her change, right in front of him. It made him sad somehow, to have all his few messed up small beliefs being confirmed, but one day he would have to pull the trigger, whether Hughie liked it or not.

Waiting for Starlight to come back from talking to the doctor, were the most painful minutes of that day. The realization of what happened was coming down on him, now that he was allowed to breath. Hughie was safe for now. That was all that mattered. If Butcher tried to think about it for more than two seconds, his eyes would tear up, his hands would start to shake. So he waited. He let his anxiety rest on the pit of his stomach, so he could bury himself in it on another time.

"He's too good for either of us." said Annie. And she was right. It wasn't his place to be around killers. He didn't deserve to be used by Billy the way he did. Hughie's destiny was about being surrounded by normalcy and quiet with Robin, where he had a chance to be happy, not bleeding out with part of a van pierced through his torso. 

Annie had to leave for the Vought Tower before they began to be too suspicious. It took a few seconds, but once Butcher felt comfortable he let a few teardrops fall. Walking closer to the hospital bed, he rested his hand over Hughie's, knowing the other was too sedated to feel it. "Fucking hell" he murmured. 

He cared for him. He loved him. So much that he would kill anyone, do anything to make sure he was okay, that he was safe. He knew that their mission wasn't going to end well, probably one of them wasn't going to make till the end. But he needed him. He needed his canary to make sure he hasn't completely lost it. He needed his canary to make sure he hasn't turned into the monster everyone that ever cared about him feared that he was. Because deep down he knew he was exactly that, but he still held to a small useless hope that this wasn't true.

He needed his canary because he made the biggest mistake to fall in love with him, knowing that he was leading him and everyone else to their death.


End file.
